So, I have been debating on whether or not to write this blog post. It has taken every last inch of me, to decide to do so. This is a subject that is really personal to me, especially because not a lot of people know about me. I know a lot of people out there will have different views, but hey that’s what blogs and opinions are for right?
So, some of you lovely people, may or may not that know that I’ve have been diagnosed with severe anorexia, last year. If you didn’t, then I am currently stressing over the fact that I just opened a door….anyway,
I have been battling an eating disorder for the past three years, however, thanks to the support of my amazing family, especially my amazing sister’s. Lisa who actually helped me get in contact with the eating disorder clinic, I’m seeking help.
Right now though, it’s a lot of stress. Being threatened by hospitalization and pulled out of education, being weighed FIVE times a week, spoken down to by mean dietician’s who clearly don’t understand me, …to her it’s just a ”job”. Lets be honest, isn’t anyone’s idea of fun. Especially not mine. So at the moment, the treatment isn’t exactly beneficial.
My family and friends have been amazing….none of them has judged or abandon me when I need picked up off the ground, which I can shamefully say, happens. I have lost quite a few friends throughout this process…due to them not knowing the real truth and I myself, having to cancel plans with them as I have heart tracings, blood tests, weigh ins, therapy sessions and diet plan meetings most of the week. I feel if they knew though, they still wouldn’t get understand…
Which is why I’m writing this post….
I logged onto my email last night to find a blog following me, titled ”FIT-SPIRATION PRO ANA STYLE” They asked me to follow their blog, as they…
”know how it is important to an Anorexic like me, how beautiful and normal it is, to have a gap between my thighs, thin hair, ribs poking out, fortruding hip bones, knobbly knees, dull skin,….”
This disgusting blog, supports Anorexia and all other eating disorders, as a ”positive” thing to have. They portray a message that is it ”OK’‘ to be disordered and sickly, that it is
”perfectly normal to look the way we do…”
Angry and hurt, I deleted their blog, until another one followed me on twitter, with the same messege.
I am absolutely disgusted that there is actual people out there, who are Pro ”Anorexia” ”Pro Ana’s” they call themselves, teaching innocent, healthy, people how to have an ”eating disorder”.
What people do not seem to understand is, you don’t just wake up one day and decide,
”hm…today I will not eat, today I will starve myself because I want to be thin. Thin is beautiful”
It is just down to sheer ignorance that people believe, eating disorder sufferers think this way. It is more deeper than just about food and starving yourself. It is a ”mental illness” It is not something that can just be fixed overnight. If this was the case then, 1.6 million in the UK alone, suffering from an eating disorder, would be recovered. We simply can’t just switch it on or off, or tell you as to why we’re like this.
In fact for some, it takes years upon years of pure and utter torture, therapy and strength to be ”recovered” and even then, some of us don’t even recover 100%. There is still that horrible voice, niggling away in the back of your head, telling you how worthless you are.
Anorexia and other form of eating disorders, is a deathly disease that should not be ”advertised as a good thing” I am completely horrified and upset that there is people like that out there, especially following me or some other pure innocent soul, who’s just beginning to develop it.
It’s disgusting and those people should be ashamed of themselves. I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy, it is life destroying and a daily battle, each and everyday. I myself, am still struggling to cope on ”recovery”. All I can do for now is love all those people and thank them, who has stood by me for this long, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now, if it wasn’t for them. Especially my mum, she is my best friend, my rock, my angel, my role model in this world….she has picked me up so many times, it is unreal, the strength that just radiates from her. She is there for EVERYONE, no matter who you are. I know the stress this is for her, anyone for that matter. The fact that she battles everyday along with me, listening to my cries, holds me when I can’t even hold myself sometimes…makes me inspire to even be an inch of who she is. I love you mum, thank you for saving me.
So please, if you’re reading this and you are currently or have been struggling, don’t fight alone….
I was quiet for so long, until I broke and I am so glad I did, because yes, people wont understand and tear you down, but you will find there is also people out there, like the ones in my life who actually care about you when you need pulled out of this horrible destroying rut. Keep holding on, we’ll fight this and remember, you are a ”sparkling recoverer”.